Skip to main content

One Last Letter

September 2013

Hi Grandma,

I always thought my world would fall apart the day you passed away. I also thought, since you said you would live to be 99, I wouldn't have to worry about it until 2031. Trust you to get those last two numbers backward on me.

You always told us how proud of us you were, but what you may never have realized is how proud we were of you. You had such strength, living through things like losing your mother, divorce, losing Grandpa last year, surviving breast cancer, and even the things we never talked about. Despite all that you were always proud, loving, and supportive of your family.

Thirteen years ago, when I graduated high school, you told me to walk tall and proud of what I had learned, but the most important things I know, I learned from you. Those things were: being friends with your family is way more fun, because you're stuck with them anyway; young girls in Springfield are the worst drivers in the world; and, no matter what happens, you always have to keep going. That last one has never been more important than it is today, because we will miss you, but as long as we keep going, and remember what you taught us, you will never really be gone.

Thank you for being our Grandma. You were better than anyone we could have asked for.

Love you forever,
Always your friend,
~Daniel

Popular posts from this blog

It's Not About the Guns

Fifteen years ago, my mom and I had an interesting discussion about the repercussions of being out. I came out the year before, just before graduating high school, and in the intervening time, had come out to my brother, my grandparents, my co-workers, my friends. Mom and I had danced around the topic a lot, but after my initial coming-out conversations with her, we'd essentially swept it under the rug. When things finally came to a head, I asked her why. Why, of all people, could I not talk to her about this topic?

"Because there are mean people in this world. There are people who will want to hurt you because of who you are, and who you love, and that scares me."

I took a minute to digest this information. "You work at a bank. If someone robs that bank tomorrow, and decides you're not moving fast enough for them, they could shoot and kill you, and it wouldn't matter to them that you are married, or that you have two sons at home. I could be afraid of what …

Waiting by the Door

Trigger warning: bipolar disorder, mania, depression, self-harm
“I’m tired of feeling sad.” He says it as you are both eating breakfast, his expression drained of life. It has been three days of this, and you know, despite what you may be hoping, that it is far from over. It started a couple weeks ago, not with sadness, but what a psychologist calls, “hypomania.”

Talking about Fitness

I am five feet, eight inches tall, and I weigh about 167 pounds. I have a gym membership which I have used a total of once in the past six months, and I don't eat particularly well, nor particularly consistently. I drink fairly regularly, and in December I even started smoking cigarettes (I know, I know). All things considered, I am in pretty good shape, for a 30-year-old man who does nothing to take care of his body. The funny thing is, any time I start to talk about changing my habits for the better, I almost universally get the same responses. "Ugh. Like you need to lose any weight." "Oh, you look fine. What are you worried about?" "You know, if you start working out, you're not necessarily going to weigh less, because muscle weighs more than fat."

Okay, guys. It seems there are a few things I need to explain about my mentality here.