Monday, March 7, 2011

Viann - edited

Thanks to some kind advice provided by friends and readers, I've done a little editing on this snippet, and would like you to see the result. If you have more advice, please don't hesitate to comment. If you love it, I don't mind hearing that either. :-) If you haven't read the original yet, stop here first.
Viann's footsteps were the only sound in the corridor tonight. She enjoyed the reprieve of these late night walks, particularly when Tonnan was ill. That was all too frequently, of late. She paused at one of the high windows and looked out over the rooftops, the smell of the fields drifting to her on the breeze, mingled with the scents of the city. It was autumn, and cool for Thespand, though still far warmer here than back home.

Her breath caught at the thought of Embréa, and all that went with it. She loved Tonnan, but marrying him meant abandoning everything she knew. Eleven years, and she still felt like a stranger. She touched the mask-shaped charm she wore and sighed a prayer to Baron. The goddess taught that love was the greatest challenge, and the most dangerous adventure. She gave up her home for love, and it was for this challenge that she remained here. Or perhaps it was in spite of it. She wasn't certain any more.

“Majesty?” She flinched at the title and turned to see a waiting servant. “I’m sorry to intrude, but King Tonnan is asking for you.” Viann nodded and began the long walk back the way she’d come. Tonnan rarely asked after her these days. Would he remember asking by the time she reached him this time? Would he even remember her name?